This is me on New Years day 2014. These are the hardest photos I have ever had to take. This is what 5’2″ and approx 236lbs looks like on me.
If you’re anything like me then when the camera comes out you do the following:
- Pull your top out of your tummy rolls and try to stretch it a bit so it doesn’t cling to you and show your rolls
- Suck your tummy in
- Frantically try to find a spot where you can hide half/most of yourself behind someone
- Put on your biggest, bravest smile even though your head is spinning with how huge you feel
- Keep your fingers crossed that the photo doesn’t end up on Facebook
The hardest part when taking theses photos was to not suck my tummy in. I realized that I don’t even think about it before it happens. I set the camera on timer and just as I heard the 3 quick beeps I instinctively sucked my tummy in – and then had to retake the photo.
The second hardest thing was looking at the photos. It forced me to look at my body for what it is. What I think I look like, and what I actually look like has to be in sync; that’s the only way I can move forward. Usually my true self hides behind baggy clothes. I don’t remember the last time I looked at myself in the mirror naked. It’s time to stop hiding from myself.
So, let me state the obvious – I have high fat in my abdominal area. If I got a dollar every time someone asked if I was pregnant I would be a rich woman! In all seriousness, it hurts when I hear that question because I would love to be a mother. The high fat in this area means I am high risk for so many health issues. To achieve my resolution, and to be in a healthier place to carry a baby, I have to reduce my body fat percentage. I know that I can’t pick and choose where the fat comes off (and it always comes off the problem areas last!), but my fat percentage must come down in order to reach my overall health goals. In addition I have wiggly arms/legs,rolls everywhere, and a big “muffin top” – here’s to looking and feeling great while reaching my health goals!
The third hardest thing is putting these photos on my blog. I took the photo to motivate myself. It’s a bit nerve-racking (and embarrassing) knowing that anyone in the world can click on my post and see my photo. But I put it here to show you that you are not alone. Also, I am so disproportionate. Most pictures I see are of women who are larger overall. I have a small chest and a large tummy – I can’t be the only one out there who has this body shape! And I can’t be the only who wishes she could pop her tummy like a balloon (seriously, I do! – aaaah, if only it was that easy!)
This time next year I will post updated photos. I hope that there is improvement in my body, my mind and my overall health. Wait, there will be improvement – my year is off to a great start and I plan to keep the momentum going!
2014 is going to be a journey and I look forward to sharing it with all of you!