Journey to the best health of my life (yes, the journey includes olives)

I go to the gym – why am I still fat?


Today is Saturday.  Today is gym day.  In fact, I go to the gym 4 to 5 times a week.  I admit, there are a few weeks where I don’t make at least 4 times, but, on the whole, for the last 5 years I’ve been going at least 4 times a week.  In addition, I’ve had a personal trainer for the last 4 years (and he kicks my butt every Saturday!).  I should have the body of Megan Fox by now.  But I don’t.  Why is that?  Here’s what I think:

1. I suffered from PE (pulmonary embolism) and was on warfarin for 6 months

My PE in 2009 was caused by the birth control pill.  When I was taken into hospital they did not know if I would survive the night.  I was in hospital for 5 days.  Since then I don’t even want to have tylenol for a headache (read: hate any medication – natural remedies all the way).  Warfarin was mandotory, but my body did not react to well (read: crazy weight gain).  I feel like I’ve been fighting that episode ever since.  If I ever have another clot I’ll be on warfarin for life – that’s a scary thought that is constantly at the back of my mind.

2. I have PCOS

This is not an excuse, but I do find that my body (read: fat) is very stubborn.  For the longest time I didn’t know why.  I suspected I had PCOS, but every doctor said I didn’t (and somehow it was my fault that I was fat – and I believed them).  After my PE I was finally correctly diagnosed.  Since then I have tried everything to beat PCOS naturally – it’s a battle that I plan to win!

3. I have an unhealthy relationship with food

By ‘unhealthy relationship’ I mean that food is used to celebrate things, to fill a hole when I’m sad and to keep my mouth busy when I’m working.  My extended family still tell stories of when I’d hide and eat chocolates (read: I laugh it off, but its extremely embarrassing and a painful memory).

I”m much better than I was before.  I have to keep reminding myself that food is fuel.  That doesn’t mean that I don’t need to enjoy what I eat, but that does mean I am conscious of everything I put in my mouth, and consious of trying to make sure that what I put in my mouth is whole foods.

I can’t pinpoint why I have this unhealthy relationship with food.  I grew up in a home with a loving and supportive family.  There was no  big and terrible incident.  Maybe it’s because my extended family kept telling me I was fat (keep in mind I remember this from when I was as young as 4 or 5 – I have pictures and no, I wasn’t fat.  I just wasn’t skinny like my cousins); maybe it’s because when I was 10 I went to a family gathering and one of my uncles said I’d put on some weight (as opposed to “hello, how’s school?”); maybe it’s because I’ve been told I’m pretty, but I just need to – yep, you guessed it – lose weight.  Whatever the reason, I have spent my adult life trying to find a way to correct this bad relationship with food.

4. When I don’t see results I lose motivation

Like I mentioned, my body is stubborn and I’ve had a couple of bumps along the way.  My weight was 178lbs when I started with my trainer.  I’m now 236lbs.  This does nothing for my motivation.  My motivation is that the doctor told me that I probably only survived the PE because I had a strong heart.  I only had a strong heart because I had been regularly working out.  I owe exercise my life.  I know that this should be all the motivation I need, but the extra tight clothes (and bigger sizes) make it difficult on a day to day basis.

5. I didn’t discover “Paleo” until this year

I heard about the paleo lifestyle earlier this year and completed Whole30 to kick me off in the right direction.  I had amazing results – more energy, better skin, weight loss and, most importantly, I felt really good.  It’s the first time in my life that I’ve tried to stick to the paleo lifestyle since then.  I know that results won’t be overnight, but it feels like a relief to find a way of eating that doesn’t make me feel deprived (and is extremely tasty!).  It’s also great to know that I’m feeding my body exactly what it needs – good whole nourishing foods.

So, there you have it.  These are my top 5 reasons for still being fat.  I will write a post in the future that gives my top 5 reasons for feeling and looking great after reaching my personal health goals! 🙂


Author: Foxy-O

I’m a 30-something female who’s striving to be the healthiest woman I can be through diet and exercise. In early 2013 I was introduced to the world of Paleo. I completed Whole30 and had fantastic results. I had finally found something that worked for me! My blog is a jumble of my thoughts as I take the journey through my life. Somewhere for me to unleash my views, my challenges, my failures and my successes (hopefully!).

5 thoughts on “I go to the gym – why am I still fat?

  1. You’re doing great Foxy. Keep that heart healthy with those workouts, and don’t be so tough on yourself.

  2. Pingback: Sprint to May Challenge (STMC) | foxyolive

  3. Pingback: PCOS awareness | foxyolive

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