Today is Saturday. Today is gym day. In fact, I go to the gym 4 to 5 times a week. I admit, there are a few weeks where I don’t make at least 4 times, but, on the whole, for the last 5 years I’ve been going at least 4 times a week. In addition, I’ve had a personal trainer for the last 4 years (and he kicks my butt every Saturday!). I should have the body of Megan Fox by now. But I don’t. Why is that? Here’s what I think:
1. I suffered from PE (pulmonary embolism) and was on warfarin for 6 months
My PE in 2009 was caused by the birth control pill. When I was taken into hospital they did not know if I would survive the night. I was in hospital for 5 days. Since then I don’t even want to have tylenol for a headache (read: hate any medication – natural remedies all the way). Warfarin was mandotory, but my body did not react to well (read: crazy weight gain). I feel like I’ve been fighting that episode ever since. If I ever have another clot I’ll be on warfarin for life – that’s a scary thought that is constantly at the back of my mind.
2. I have PCOS
This is not an excuse, but I do find that my body (read: fat) is very stubborn. For the longest time I didn’t know why. I suspected I had PCOS, but every doctor said I didn’t (and somehow it was my fault that I was fat – and I believed them). After my PE I was finally correctly diagnosed. Since then I have tried everything to beat PCOS naturally – it’s a battle that I plan to win!
3. I have an unhealthy relationship with food
By ‘unhealthy relationship’ I mean that food is used to celebrate things, to fill a hole when I’m sad and to keep my mouth busy when I’m working. My extended family still tell stories of when I’d hide and eat chocolates (read: I laugh it off, but its extremely embarrassing and a painful memory).
I”m much better than I was before. I have to keep reminding myself that food is fuel. That doesn’t mean that I don’t need to enjoy what I eat, but that does mean I am conscious of everything I put in my mouth, and consious of trying to make sure that what I put in my mouth is whole foods.
I can’t pinpoint why I have this unhealthy relationship with food. I grew up in a home with a loving and supportive family. There was no big and terrible incident. Maybe it’s because my extended family kept telling me I was fat (keep in mind I remember this from when I was as young as 4 or 5 – I have pictures and no, I wasn’t fat. I just wasn’t skinny like my cousins); maybe it’s because when I was 10 I went to a family gathering and one of my uncles said I’d put on some weight (as opposed to “hello, how’s school?”); maybe it’s because I’ve been told I’m pretty, but I just need to – yep, you guessed it – lose weight. Whatever the reason, I have spent my adult life trying to find a way to correct this bad relationship with food.
4. When I don’t see results I lose motivation
Like I mentioned, my body is stubborn and I’ve had a couple of bumps along the way. My weight was 178lbs when I started with my trainer. I’m now 236lbs. This does nothing for my motivation. My motivation is that the doctor told me that I probably only survived the PE because I had a strong heart. I only had a strong heart because I had been regularly working out. I owe exercise my life. I know that this should be all the motivation I need, but the extra tight clothes (and bigger sizes) make it difficult on a day to day basis.
5. I didn’t discover “Paleo” until this year
I heard about the paleo lifestyle earlier this year and completed Whole30 to kick me off in the right direction. I had amazing results – more energy, better skin, weight loss and, most importantly, I felt really good. It’s the first time in my life that I’ve tried to stick to the paleo lifestyle since then. I know that results won’t be overnight, but it feels like a relief to find a way of eating that doesn’t make me feel deprived (and is extremely tasty!). It’s also great to know that I’m feeding my body exactly what it needs – good whole nourishing foods.
So, there you have it. These are my top 5 reasons for still being fat. I will write a post in the future that gives my top 5 reasons for feeling and looking great after reaching my personal health goals! 🙂